The Wonderful World Of I Forget The Name
by Topaz
Summary: Complete random nonsense. Only to be read if you are on a sugar high. :-)


THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF I FORGET THE NAME  
by Topaz  
  
Disclaimer: Someone else owns everything I don't.  
  
Disclaimer #2: My strange little world belongs to me, as does the black squirrel. The Black Merchant, Nimsly, and Granddaughter belong to my friend Monicca, and the Regulations belong to both of us. The black panther belongs to Amazon Trail. 'Cripês' belongs to ME BWAHAHAHAH!!! as does 'pruple' and 'perfmitted'. Kjunie and Eckle be-long to me as well. 'Yunk' belongs to everyone!!! Squirrel shampoo belongs to the black squirrel. Super Jen thinks she belongs to herself, but she really be-longs to Monicca. 'Be-longs' be-longs to me also. As does 'meese'. The invisible wells be-long to Jessica, as do, "...is my BEST FRIEND!!!". Inigo Montoya be-longs to the Princess Bride peoples, and plot holes be-long to EVERYONE!!!   
  
Note: Yay! My... *thinks for a while* tenth fic! Yay! First of all, I would like to say thank you to all the kind peeps out there who review my fics, especially Crystal Music, Crybaby, Mandy, Icky Icky etc (name too long to type, sorry)., and Mrs. Norris, who I have noticed a lot while reading reviews. Also thanks to my little brother, who actually laughed while reading some of my fics :-) and to my invisible pet cats (they do exist! really!)  
  
  
  
Harry, Hermione, and Draco suddenly found themselves sitting in a strange world. The grass was blue-green, the trees were pruple (not purple, pruple) with gold leaves, and the water was silver. The sky was black with a flaming bluish-purple (purple, not pruple) sun.  
  
A teenage girl appeared in front of them. "You're trespassing," she announced.  
  
"Huh?" said Harry, who was watching a pair of squirrels fight a duel with stick-swords while riding muskrats. The gray squirrel was winning. The red squirrel was losing. The black squirrel was neither winning nor losing.  
  
"Trespassing," repeated the girl. "I am the Princess, and I say you are trespassing."  
  
"We're not trespassing," Hermione said indignantly. "We've been abducted and taken to this crazy place against our will!"  
  
"Regulation #72. No aliens are allowed unless invited by a police officer," the girl recited. "The fine is 200 rubber bands."  
  
Hermione and Draco exchanged glances. Harry was busy watching the black squirrel, who was now manipulating the stock market and bankrupting several companies that sold squirrel shampoo, which they drink as dessert.  
  
Suddenly the girl leaned over and whispered to Hermione and Draco. "Don't even bother trying to pay. I've got a list of transgressions 1,000 feet long just for you, not counting Scarface over there, and anyway, the fines are messing up the economy." She stared off moodily into space, and added, "Besides, I haven't much use for rubber bands anymore."  
  
Hermione and Draco started inching away.   
  
"What are your names?" asked the girl. "They don't start with E or K, do they? Because regulation #126 is: Names beginning with the letters 'E' or 'K' (ex. Ellie, Kara, Elissa, Katie, Kjunie, Eckle) will not be perfmitted. It is disrespectful. Especially Kjunie and Eckle."  
  
Harry watched the squirrel play ping pong with itself. Squirrels are so highly talented at playing ping pong that they play alone, running back and forth to hit the ball.  
  
"I'm Princess Topaz," said the girl. "This is the magical and highly insane world of... of... oh, drat, I forgot the name again."  
  
Hermione and Draco nodded, being careful not to make any sudden moves, and continued inching away. Harry watched as the squirrel went to go write a fan fic on its squirrel computer.  
  
"I have a friend named Kjunie," said Princess Topaz. "She passed away a few hours ago..."  
  
"That's very sad," Hermione stated.  
  
"No, it isn't," Topaz corrected. "It's happy. Now she can fly. We've all been waiting for months; she took rather a long time to die and become able to fly. I've died three times already, I can fly better than anyone."  
  
"Um," said Draco, who couldn't think of anything else to say.  
  
"Um," agreed Hermione.  
  
"Regulation #144: You must know the air-speed velocity of an unladen European swallow," Topaz said suddenly. "Do you know the air-speed velocity of an unladen European swallow?"  
  
"200/300 kilometers," Hermione said quickly.  
  
"That's good," Topaz said vaguely. "Call Super Jen if you need anything. I have to go stop the meese from fighting, they've all got drunk and started attacking each other."  
  
"Meese?" Draco choked.  
  
"Plural for moose." Topaz vanished in a swirl of silvery smoke.  
  
"The plural for moose is moose," Hermione said dazedly.   
  
"She's on crack," the black squirrel informed them. "Don't mind her."  
  
"Me?" Hermione said indignantly.  
  
"No, Topaz. Her name isn't really Topaz, it's Ophelia," the squirrel whispered.  
  
Ophelia reappeared. "My name is NOT Ophelia, you dratted squirrel, it's Topaz!"  
  
"Nolly."  
  
"My name is Aelin."  
  
"It's not," the squirrel yelled. "Your name is Spangles and you know it darn well!"  
  
Spangles shrieked, "No, my name is Jade!"   
  
"Goodbye, Topaz," said the black squirrel. Topaz vanished again, although this time the smoke was more gold than silver.   
  
"Silly girl. One of these days she'll fall in an invisible well, and then who will be the Princess?" The squirrel shook his head disgustedly and spat on a passing chipmunk.  
  
"Would you like to ride a decacorn?" a dragon said, flying over to them. "They're unicorns, but they have ten horns. Uncomfortable for them, but we need them for mathematics, and anyhow the centicorns have an even worse time."  
  
Two decacorns appeared, looking very grumpy. They were white with gold manes and tails and pruple horns, all ten of them. Pruple, not purple.  
  
Hermione and Draco mounted the decacorns, and galloped away, leaving Harry chatting with a friendly caterpillar. Hermione's decacorn was named Leorna, and Draco's was Spunkle.   
  
The black squirrel joined them, mounted on a large, husky muskrat. "Of course, Princess Monicca could take over, but she's just as likely to fall in an invisible well. I suppose it will have to be Jessica."  
  
"Invisible wells?" Hermione said nervously.  
  
"Yes, they're all over," the squirrel said casually. "Lots in this place, but the decacorns can avoid them easily. However sometimes Topaz and Monicca go out and almost fall in-Jessica at least has the sense to ride a hexacorn."  
  
"Monicca? Jessica?"  
  
"Monicca is the other Princess, and Jessica is the Prince," the squirrel replied.  
  
"Prince? Jessica is a boy?" Draco stared at the squirrel.  
  
"Yes," said the black squirrel irritably. "Now, watch out, a large plot hole is coming up on your left, Draco, don't get sucked into it. I think your friend Harry already fell in one. Stupid fellow."  
  
Suddenly all of the animals and some of the plants shrieked, "THE BLACK MERCHANT IS COMING!"  
  
  
A tall being walked through the plot hole over to them, dressed in a black cloak. The being had yellow eyes. "I am the Black Merchant."  
  
"I am Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die," said the black squirrel. The Black Merchant and the squirrel shook hands.  
  
A little girl with red eyes and a decapitated dolly joined them. "This is Granddaughter," said the Black Merchant.  
  
"She's your granddaughter?" Draco said doubtfully.  
  
"No, she's not my granddaughter, she's my Granddaughter," the Black Merchant corrected. "And this is Nimsly."  
  
Nimsly was a large, very screwed up dog with antennae and iridescent blue spots and such.   
  
Topaz appeared suddenly. "Regulation #180: Black Merchants, Nimsly, and Granddaughters are not perfmitted." She vanished, this time in a cloud of putrid yellow-green smoke.  
  
"I like putrid yellow-green," said Granddaughter. "Putrid yellow-green is my BEST FRIEND!!!!"  
  
"Let's leave before she sics the Molly Dolly on us," the black squirrel suggested. The decacorns teleported them to another place.   
  
The black panther appeared and said, "You have traveled through the blue mist to another time and place."  
  
"I thought she uninstalled that game," the squirrel said vaguely. It waved a paw, and the panther vanished. "I hate creatures that speak in italics. Rude."  
  
"Um," agreed Draco.  
  
The prairie chickens ran by, singing, "It's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine!" (which be-longs to REM)  
  
Draco and Hermione were scared out of their minds (assuming they have minds... well, Hermione definately does, but Draco...? *Draco fans bash me on the head*) so they ran away screaming.  
  
And they all lived happily ever after.  
  
Except the squirrels, since the black squirrel had killed the stock market  
And the prairie chickens, cause the evil school administrators are killing them  
And Harry, who got sucked into a plot hole  
And Hermione and Draco, who now have white hair  
And Monicca and Topaz, who fell in invisible wells  
And Jessica, who is a boy  
And the Black Merchant, who is now banned from the kingdom  
And the people reading this story, who are scared out of their minds and think this is a very stupid fic and they're RIGHT hallelujia! I spelled that wrong. Goodbye.  



End file.
